


Perfectly Imperfect

by Manwameldiel



Category: Richlee - Fandom, The Hobbit RPF
Genre: Cliche, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Lot's of fluff, M/M, too much fluff actually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-05
Updated: 2015-12-06
Packaged: 2018-05-05 00:09:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5353475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Manwameldiel/pseuds/Manwameldiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lee and Richard are juniors in high school. Richard just moved to America and Lee is the first person whom he befriends. Although Richard soon begins to feel something towards his new best friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Once again, I bring to thy a cliché Richlee fic.

“Sorry I'm late” Richard said as he ran into the classroom, already ten minutes late, what a great way to start a new school. The teacher, an elderly looking man, looked up from the book he was holding.  
“It's quite alright. You're the new boy aren't you, Richard Armitage?” Richard nodded. “Nice to meet you, Richard, I'm Mr. Mckellen, now please have a seat”.  
Richard looked over the classroom and found only one seat empty, it was in the back, beside a boy who sat by the window. He walked across the classroom and took a seat in the empty chair.   
“Hi” he greeted, “hi” the boy replied. “I'm Richard” “yeah. I know, Mr. Mckellen just said that. I'm Lee, by the way”. Richard simply nodded and then took the books up from his bag.  
“You won't be needing these today” the boy beside him, Lee, said. Richard looked at him questioningly. “We never need the books in the first class of Mr. Mckellen's class, he just talks about this semester is going to be”.   
Lee had been right, the rest of the class was basically spent listening to Mr. Mckellen explain what they would be studying in this course.   
~  
When Richard stood in the cafeteria at lunch he noticed a familiar face sitting alone by a table in the corner, it was Lee, the boy whom he had sat beside in his first class of the day, but hadn't been with in any other classes, or at least not before lunch. He walked over to where Lee sat.  
“You mind if I sit here?” “No, not at all” Lee removed his bag off the table “Please, sit” “thank you” Richard put his bag on the floor as well and sat down.   
They sat in silence for a while, each eating their own lunch, before Lee asked “So, where are you from?” “England” “Yeah, I noticed that, your accent, but where in England?” “Leicester, it's in the East Midlands of England” “Oh, okay” “Why?” “Don't know, just wondering” Richard nodded. “Are you from here?” “Yeah. Lived here all my life. Well, except for a time when I lived in Saudi Arabia” “You lived in Saudi Arabia?” Lee nodded “Yeah, for a time” “That's interesting” Richard nodded. “Yeah, there are not many interesting things about me but this is definitely one of them”.  
~  
Lee actually happened to be a very interesting person, though he himself didn't think so, Richard did. The second day of school they sat together at lunch and again in Mr. Mckellen's class, it turned out that it was the only course they were in together.  
That day, after school they went over to Richard's where Lee helped him unpack a few boxes, it were mostly boxes with books and stuff he would need for school.   
“Hey, I also have this book” Richard turned around to see what book Lee was referring to. “Oh, the hobbit? It's one of my favourites” “I've actually only read it once, but, yeah, I really liked it” Lee said.  
Soon they were deep in conversation about books and stories they had both read and then that led to talking about something else which led to talking about something else and before they knew it they had been talking for hours.   
“I better get going, there's probably dinner soon” Lee said as he stood up from Richard's chair he had been sitting in “Yeah, okay”.  
“See you tomorrow” Lee said at the door, “Not if I see you first” Richard replied with a smirk.  
Lee chuckled, then turned around and walked in the other direction. Richard watched him go, the smirk turning into a smile as he closed the door.  
~  
The first week of school went pretty much the same, they sat together in class and at lunch, they hung out after school and very much enjoyed each other's company. And Richard soon knew many things about Lee, who as well, soon knew many things about Richard. They were very good friends already.   
Although soon Richard started to feel something towards the other boy, something he had never felt for another person before in his life.  
~  
The next few weeks Richard made some new friends, but most of the time he hung out with Lee, partly because Lee didn't seem to have any other friends but mostly because Richard liked him. Lee was a nice guy, he was clever, he had a good sense of humour, he was easy to talk to and just simply fun to be around.  
Okay, that was not the whole reason. Richard had a crush on Lee. Not a huge one, but enough to make him feel all giddy inside every time Lee laughed or smiled. At first Lee had been shy, but after Richard had managed to break that shell of shyness there appeared this amazing and wonderful Lee. Who, Richard soon found out was handsome as hell as well.  
He was a little taller than Richard, which was weird at first since Richard had become so used to tower over people in his old school. Lee was also kind and sweet, and he had an incredible voice that Richard just loved listening to and his eyes, though they usually didn't make eye contact, Richard noticed that they were like a pair of galaxies.  
Okay, so maybe Richard's crush on Lee was a huge one.   
It had only been a few days after he had met Lee that he started to feel something else than friendship towards him, he kept thinking to himself that it was just something that would wear off in time and that he should stop thinking so much about Lee. But every time they talked, Richard found Lee more and more interesting, wonderful and beautiful.  
Richard sometimes wondered if it was possible that Lee might someday, perhaps, return those feeling. However, it was something that was unlikely to happen.  
~  
Another month of school had gone by and now it was about halfway through autumn, the leaves were yellow, red and orange and had started to fall off the trees and now covered the whole streets. It rained and there was this cosy smell of the autumn in the air.  
However, Richard was worried. The reason was because Lee hadn't showed up at school for a few days now. He, maybe would be less worried if he knew the reason why, but he did not, which made him concerned. Lee hadn't answered any phone calls or text messages from him and no one had answered the door every time he walked over and knocked or rang the doorbell, something must be wrong. Richard remembered the last time he saw him. Lee had looked a little less happy than usual, hadn't smiled as much and talked less. Richard had asked him what had been wrong, but Lee had only said that he was tired, which Richard noticed had been true but there was something else bothering him, something that must be the reason for why he hadn't showed up at school or talked to Richard since last they saw each other.  
~  
“And Richard would you mind talking to me for a second?” Mr. Mckellen asked him at the end of class that day. “Sure” he walked over to where his teacher was sitting behind his table.  
“I don't want to intrude on your privacy or anything but you've seemed distance last few classes, like your mind is in another world, you're not paying attention. Now, I already know you're a great student and I can't help but wonder, is there something bothering you?” “No” Richard lied and  
Mr. Mckellen nodded. “You're sure it isn't, perhaps, related to the fact that your friend, Lee, has been absent from school a few days now?” Something about Richard's look had given it away that it was because of Lee's absence, and the fact that he didn't answer any messages whatsoever, because Mr. Mckellen nodded and said “Thought as much. No need to worry, though. His mother called the office this morning again to announce that he might not show up, got the flu”. Richard didn't believe that was the reason, Lee would have told him and asked him to bring him his books after school or something like that. But he simply nodded before walking towards the door but then   
Mr. Mckellen added: “Uhh… Richard, mind if I ask you one more thing and could you perhaps close the door before you come?” Richard hesitated but closed the door and walked over to where he had stood just seconds before. “Again, I don't want to intrude on your privacy, it's just a question that has been on my mind and you don't have to answer if you don't want to” Richard didn't say anything, just waited until his teacher asked. The question, however, was not what he had expected to hear from a teacher.  
“Do you have feelings for Lee?” “What?” “Like I said, you don't have to answer, it's just something that I was wondering that perhaps… recently…” “I would prefer not to answer that question” Richard quickly said. “Okay, I'm sorry. I won't bring this up again” Richard nodded and, thankful, he walked out of the classroom.  
~  
On his way home Richard pondered the question his teacher had just asked him.  
'Do you have feelings for Lee?' he had asked. Was it that obvious that Richard liked his friend in that way? Was he often caught staring at Lee in class when they were supposed to be reading? What would Mr. Mckellen have said if Richard had said he did?  
These and many other questions went through his head on his way home.  
~  
When Richard was home, about to start his homework he wondered if he should walk over to Lee's and check once again if someone would answer the door.  
Almost before he could decide if he was going or not, he was standing in front of Lee's house and tried once more to knock and ring the doorbell, but like always, no one answered. Then Richard decided to try the doorknob and found the doors to be unlocked. He had never liked it when people did this in the books, movies or tv shows, he thought it was invading in on someone else's privacy, which it was. But he needed to know whether Lee was okay or not. Before he could do anything he heard the sound of knocking, but not from any doors, from upstairs, like someone was hitting a wall.  
Richard walked up the stairs, a lump in his throat, and over to Lee's room and turned the doorknob.  
~  
When Richard quietly opened the door he was greeted by the most shocking sight he had ever seen in his life. Lee, who was sitting on his bed, was crying, more than that, he was sobbing. His knuckles were red after being banged against the wall.  
Richard stood there frozen for a few seconds before he saw the scars on Lee's left wrist, blood red. Then he ran across the room, sat beside Lee and put his arms around the other boy.  
His heart was pounding in his chest and he tightened his hold on Lee who kept crying “Why does it hurt, Richard? Why does it still hurt?” Lee asked in between sobs.  
Richard had had no idea about this, that something was hurting Lee so much and the fact that something was hurting Lee hurt Richard. "Ssshhh everything is going to be alright" he whispered.  
"You don't know that, you don't know that" Lee's head laid upon Richard's shoulder and his forehead touched Richard's neck slightly. "No matter what happens, I'll be here. I'm your friend. You are not alone in this world" he whispered soothingly while he thought how he could help the other boy, it was hard since he didn't really know what was wrong.  
But then Lee raised his head, looked Richard in the eye and wrapped his arms around him and whispered a soft “Thank you” before tightening his hold on Richard.   
Even though Richard could hardly breath, Lee was holding him so tightly, he didn't let go. He felt Lee needed someone to hug and that was the least Richard could do right now.  
~  
A few minutes later, Richard felt Lee go limp. At first Richard was afraid something bad had happened but then he noticed the other boy had simply fallen asleep in his arms. Richard smiled and slowly put him down so he now lay on his bed, underneath the covers. Then Richard sat down on the floor beside the bed as he looked at Lee, wondering. That boy had circles under his eyes that could possibly have come from lack of sleep and his nose was red, from a lot of crying.  
Richard was still recovering from the shock that had caused his heartbeat to raise more than it ever had in his life. He noticed the scars on Lee's wrist again when the other boy moved his arm slightly in his sleep. Richard could see that they were new, he guessed the blood must be recently dried. He counted eight scars, that was quite a number. Richard swallowed, he wished he could help Lee, help make the pain go away.   
Richard looked at Lee's face, it was totally different from how it had been just moments before. He looked peaceful now, at ease. His breathing was slow and quiet. Even though he had bags under his eyes and his nose was red. Richard couldn't help noticing how Lee still managed to look beautiful. It calmed Richard, seeing Lee lying there, just breathing. He raised his hand and pulled the covers up to Lee's chin and down over his feet. He wasn't sure what to do. He felt like he just couldn't leave Lee to wake up alone, but he didn't know whether Lee wanted to be alone when he woke up or not. So he just stayed there.   
~  
After a while, Lee woke up. “Hey” he said quite sleepily, “hi” Richard replied, sitting up straighter. “How long have I been sleeping?” Richard looked at his phone, surprised at what time it showed “about half an hour”. “Oh” Lee sat up, rubbing his eyes in a very adorable way, or at least Richard thought it was adorable.  
“Uhm, about before...” Lee said motioning his hand while referring to recent past, “I'm sorry” “why?” Richard didn't know why Lee was saying sorry, it should really be him (Richard) who was saying sorry. “I don't really want you to see me like this” Lee said, looking down in embarrassment. Richard simply nodded, not exactly knowing what to say. “I won't tell anyone, not if you don't want me to” Lee nodded, still staring at the floor “thank you. No one was really supposed to find out”. “So I'm guessing it has something to do with the fact that you haven't showed up at school the past few days?” Richard asked after a while “Yeah, it may” the corners of Lee's mouth moved slightly upwards and Richard felt butterflies in his stomach “I missed a lot?” “A bit, yeah”. Lee sighed, looking up and Richard couldn't help but noticing how beautiful Lee looked in this particular light.  
“But if you want, you can get my books borrowed and work up everything you've missed out” Lee looked at Richard. God, those eyes. “Really?” “yeah” Richard nodded. “I would very much like that, thank you” Lee smiled, then added “You don't have to sit on the floor, you know that, you can sit here” he moved over to make space for Richard who at that moment suddenly remembered how uncomfortable it actually was to sit on the floor and sat down beside Lee.  
“So, how are you feeling, now?” “After you came? Better” Lee smiled, at that Richard could feel his cheeks turning red. “That's good” he simply said “yeah” Lee agreed.  
They sat in silence for a while, Richard occasionally letting his gaze drift over at Lee who sat so close beside him that Richard could almost feel the warmth of the other boy.  
He's so beautiful, Richard thought. It was not the first time he thought that, nor was it the last. There was just something about the other boy that was simply magical. Lee was like art, only more beautiful than any art could ever be and alive. It wasn't until Lee's gaze fell on Richard that he realised he had been staring at the other boy and quickly looked away.  
He didn't notice that Lee simply smiled as he bit his lower lip and blushed, his heart fluttering in his chest when he looked at Richard. When Richard was about to stand up to say he probably should go home and do his homework and that they'll see each other tomorrow, their hands accidentally touched, only a little, but enough for both of them to notice. “I'm sorry… I...” they both said at the same time, then they chuckled. “It's alright” Lee whispered, then he slightly moved his hand closer to Richard's who slowly put his hand on top of Lee's. He looked up and saw Lee looking at him, lips slightly parted. They stayed like that for a while, looking into each other's eyes. Richard forgot almost everything for a second, there was nothing there, nothing in this world, but him and the other, magnificent, boy in front of him. Then Lee moved slightly forward and Richard did the same. Their lips were now almost touching and he could feel the breath of the other boy upon his skin. Warm, so warm. And he closed his eyes, and then Lee's lips brushed against his, very softly, the touch as soft as a feather. Then Richard put his arms around Lee and kissed him. Softly, slowly, yet passionately and Lee kissed him. It felt like heaven. Lee's lips so soft and yet he kissed with just as much passion as Richard, who's heart was thumping in his chest, the feel of Lee's hands on the back of his neck, a shiver went down his back and their breaths were like a rhythm, time stopped and Richard had no idea for how long they had been kissing. But suddenly, Lee quickly moved away from Richard, his head bent down. “I think you should go” he whispered, not looking up. “I'm sorry” Richard said as he drew his hands back. “It's not your fault, really. It's just… I… I'll talk to you at school tomorrow” Lee said, eyes constantly looking down. Richard only nodded and walked towards the door. “Thank you” Lee's voice was louder this time and Richard turned and saw Lee looking at him, he wasn't sure what to make out of that look. “For what?” “For being my friend” “Of course” Richard smiled and Lee returned that smile. “See you tomorrow” “Yeah. See yah” Richard replied.   
~  
When Richard got home, he just stood there, back against the door. He was out of breath after running the way home.  
What he had just witnessed was unbelievable. when Lee had been crying and the scars on his wrist. Oh god that was the most terrifying thing Richard had ever seen in his life.  
He closed his eyes as he remembered. He wished Lee hadn't asked him to go, he hadn't wanted to leave. Richard wanted to know what was wrong, he wanted to know so badly, but he had a feeling Lee didn't want to tell him. He had said that no one was supposed to find out about this.  
But, oh god, they had kissed. Richard remembered how soft Lee's lips had been upon his. How warm he had felt in the other boy's arms. Richard hadn't known Lee for a long time, only two months, but there was just something about him. Yeah, alright, Lee was Richard's first big crush. However, when Lee had kissed Richard, he had begun feeling something more. At first he had thought it was the kiss that made him feel like his heart was exploding, but he was still feeling like that now. Richard was definitely feeling something more for Lee than he did just hours ago.   
He felt a little bit bad for it. Lee had pushed him away. He was so definitely not ready for something other than friendship. Richard sat down in his chair, thinking. Things were complicated, he had feelings for Lee and hoped to god that Lee returned those feelings, but he also felt bad for wanting Lee to like him. He felt selfish.   
But then he decided he was not going to think more about this, not until they had talked about it like Lee said they were going to. Richard was just going to allow himself to feel so happy that they had kissed. For the rest of the evening, he allowed himself that.  
~  
At school the next day, Richard saw Lee by his locker and walked up to him. “Hi” he said with a smile. “Hey” Lee answered as he closed his locker. There was awkward silence for a while until Richard cleared his throat. “Uhhh, about yesterday…” he said and Lee bit his lower lip nervously. “…When we kissed…” he added. “Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that” Lee said and looked around, seeing so many people around he turned back to Richard and added “Can we talk about it after school?” “Yes, of course” “Okay, thanks. See you later” Lee said when the bell rang and Richard was left there, his gaze lingering on Lee before turning and heading in the other direction.  
~  
After school they met in the cafeteria and Richard lend Lee his books like he had promised. “You don't need them for your homework?” Lee asked. “Maybe some of them. It's alright though, you can have them 'till Sunday” (It was Friday when Richard lend Lee his books) “Thanks” Lee nodded and began putting them in his bag. “You're a life saviour” he smiled, Richard smiled back. “So about earlier today…” Richard began. “Hhhm?” Lee asked, obviously had forgotten. “What we were gonna talk about” Richard explained. “Oh yeah right” Lee said. “Can we go outside?” “Sure” Richard nodded and then he followed Lee who walked out the door.   
After walking for a few minutes they ended up at a playground that was almost right in front of Lee's backyard and sat down in the swings.   
“So about yesterday” Lee began. “Okay, I know that it was me who first kissed you but…”  
“But what?” Richard asked after a moment of silence. “I'm not sure what exactly this kiss meant to you. Was it just a kiss or did it feel like a promise of something more?” Lee looked into Richard's eyes. “I'm not entirely sure” Richard wasn't. “What do you want it to mean?” Lee asked him. “Whatever you want it to mean. If you don't want it to mean anything special then I won't think about it as anything special” “But it was special” Lee looked down to the ground, playing with the leaves with his foot. “That was not only our first kiss but my very first kiss as well” “Same with me”. Lee's gaze went back to Richard, he sighed. “Look, I'm not sure if I'm ready for something more than we have. I do like you though, in that way. But it's just too soon, I feel. I hope you're okay with that” “I am” Richard nodded and showed Lee a reassuring smile. “You sure?” Lee asked. “Of course I am”. Lee smiled “Okay great, thanks” He pulled Richard's swing closer to his and hugged him. Richard cherished every moment of that hug.  
“I think I'm gonna go now and start copying your answers in my books, I'll bring them to you tomorrow, okay?” Lee said and they stood up “Okay, see you later” “Yeah” Lee smiled before walking off the playground and towards his house.  
~  
Richard couldn't stop thinking about one thing for the rest of the day. 'I do like you though, in that way' Lee had said. He liked Richard. He liked Richard the same way he liked Lee. Richard felt happier than he ever had in his life. 'But it was special' he had said. Richard had been Lee's first kiss and Lee and been Richard's. 'Someday' Richard thought. 'Someday something will happen'.   
~  
“When are you going to do something about this?” “wha?” Richard, who had been caught staring at Lee who had happened to walk past Richard's line of sight had hardly heard what his friend, Graham, had said. “What?” he repeated. “Your feelings for Lee. When are you going to stop staring at him and just ask him out or something” “I haven't been staring at Lee” Richard denied, hoping it would make his friend change the subject or just stop talking, but that didn't happen. “Yes, you have. Look, I've known you for about what? Three months? And since then you have been staring at Lee every damn time he walks past you, it's quite obvious, I don't know if you're trying to hide it but if you are, then let me tell you, you are doing it very badly”. Richard kept looking down at the floor. Was it that obvious he liked Lee? Well, the truth be told, he didn't just like Lee any more. He loved Lee. But he hadn't told him that, of course he hadn't. They had known each other for a little over than three months, they weren't even dating yet. “Well, if you're not going to do anything about this then I might” Graham said. “What? No” protested. “Relax, man. I was only joking” Graham said. “What is the problem, though? You two are great friends and he's a nice person. What are you afraid about?” “Nothing. It's just that…” “Just that, what?”   
Richard wanted to tell his friend about when him and Lee had kissed and that Lee had told him he did like him in the same way Richard liked Lee. However, he knew that Lee didn't want anyone to know about this so Richard simply shook his head and said “No, I don't really want to talk about it”.  
~  
November was about to come to an end when it started snowing, the first snow of the winter. It was quite cold, colder than usual. The puddles that had appeared a few days ago were now frozen through and when you exhaled, little white cloud appeared in front of your face.   
Richard was on his way home from school. He hadn't seen Lee at his locker before heading home so he just walked by himself.   
“Hey, Richard! Wait!” he turned and saw that Lee came running towards him but on the way he slipped and fell. Richard hurried towards him.  
“You alright?” he asked as he help Lee stand up again. “Yeah, I'll be fine” he answered, brushing the snow of him, Richard noticed he had ripped his jeans a little on the knee and it was bleeding. “It's nothing, just a scratch” Lee said “You sure?” Richard asked, worriedly “Yeah, I'll be alright” Lee smiled at Richard. “Okay, walk with me?” Richard asked. “That's why I ran after you” Lee said. They walked the rest of the way pretty much in silence. It wasn't awkward silence though. That's what Richard loved about walking with Lee, whether there was talking or no talking, it was never awkward. “Hey uhhmm… No never mind” Lee said when they were about to part ways.   
“No, what? What were you gonna say?” Richard asked. “No, I was just wondering if you could maybe hang out later today” “Of course” Richard replied “Why didn't you wanna ask?”   
“I don't know just thought you might be busy”. “I'm a little busy, yes, with homework. But I can hang out after, say, an hour?” “okay” Lee nodded “see you then”.   
About forty minutes later Richard called Lee. “Well, I'm free now” he said. “Okay” “yeah, so what you wanna do?” “Just whatever, why don't you come over and then we decide” “Okay, see you in a minute” Richard said before hanging up.   
“That took you longer than a minute” Lee joked when Richard arrived. He stood there, leaning in the doorway, smirking. 'God, he looks freaking fantastic' Richard thought when he saw him. Lee was wearing a white t-shirt and black jeans, his hair a little ruffled. It didn't matter what Lee wore, he could be wearing a giraffe costume and Richard could still be captivated by his looks. “It takes a little longer than a minute to walk here” Richard replied.   
“So are we just gonna stand here or are we gonna go inside or what are gonna do?” Richard asked.  
“I wanted to show you this place that's not very far from here, it's very beautiful around this time of the year” Lee told him as he put on his jacket. “Okay, then let's go there”.   
The way was a little longer than Lee had remembered it to be so when they arrived they were both almost freezing. “This is what it looks like” Lee said. He had been right, this place was really beautiful. There was a waterfall there but it was frozen in the cold. “Wanna walk on the ice?” Lee asked him, smirking. “Not really” Richard answered, getting a little panicked. “Why not?” Lee smile fell. “Remember when I told you about my aquaphobia?” “Oh, yeah right. Sorry” Lee remembered “It's alright”  
“Sure you don't want to try? It's completely safe?” Lee asked after a while. “I don't know, I'm… I don't want the ice to break or something like that” he looked up at Lee who was looking back at him. “If the ice breaks, the water will only reach to your knees. It's that shallow. But, of course if you don't want to walk on the ice then that's okay and we won't do that. I just wanted to show you behind the waterfall”.   
Richard thought for a minute. Yes, he was afraid the ice would break and something would happen, but Lee had looked so excited and Richard really wanted to see what it was like behind that waterfall, to be honest. “Do you come here often and walk on the ice?” he asked him. “Every year” “It has never broken 'neath your feet?” “Not once” he trusted Lee. “Okay, let's do it” “You sure? Lee looked questioningly at him. 'Cause we don't have to if you don't want to”. “No it's just… I would very much like to see how it is behind this waterfall” Richard nodded. “Okay then” Lee smiled and began walking towards the water. Richard stood still for a moment, breathing in the freezing air, then he walked after Lee. “Wanna hold my hand?” he asked Richard when he was about to step on to the ice. “yeah” he took Lee's left hand in his right as they stepped onto the ice. It was warm, even though Lee wasn't wearing gloves, he had had his hands in his pockets all the way. After a while, Richard began to relax until he felt the ice crack beneath his feet. He rapidly moved closer to Lee, lifted his left hand and held on to the other boy's arm. “It's alright. Sorry, I forgot to tell you, the ice sometimes cracks. But it has never broken and I don't really think it's going to now” Lee said assuringly and stopped for a few seconds before they started walking again, slower this time.   
It was amazing, standing behind the waterfall, it looked slightly blue. “You like this place?” Lee asked him. “It's wonderful” Richard tried not to move much, afraid the ice would crack again.   
“I often come here around this time of the year. In the summer there are always so many people here but now there's no one” “And you like it when there's no one?” “Then it's quiet and no one ever disturbs you and you can walk on the ice” Lee smiled, Richard nodded. “How often exactly do you come here?” he asked out of curiosity. “Depends, some winters I come here almost every week, some winters not so often. Pretty much depends on the weather” Richard nodded. “Hey, I know we just arrived and I think this place is amazing, by the way, but it's just, I don't trust the ice and it is very cold here and I was wondering if we could…” “head back?” Lee finished for him. “Yeah, if you don't mind” “Of course we can” Lee smiled.   
Since school had finished a little later that day than usual, it was getting darker as they walked the way home in silence, very close to each other.  
Soon, the amount of trees around them increased, they were now standing at the edge of some. Richard didn't remember walking by any trees before, that same day. “Were are we?” he asked Lee “Not entirely sure” the other boy admitted. “Thought you knew the way?” Richard asked him. He hadn't been paying much attention to where they had been heading, he had simply followed Lee. “Yeah I do but I uhm… got distracted there for a bit”. Lee admitted as he looked around. Richard noticed how the other boy's cheeks were turning an even darker shade of red than they had been only moments before.   
“I think it's that way we're supposed to go” Lee said hastily and began walking the direction he had pointed. It never happened, but now there was awkward silence between them. Richard broke the silence with: “What was it that distracted you?” “Hm? Uhh… nothing” Lee looked down. Richard wondered whether it had been he who had been a distraction, but then he felt selfish for thinking that, but then, their hands brushed. At first Richard thought it had been by accident but then he felt Lee's palm against his and their fingers entwined. He looked up at Lee who looked back, biting his lower lip. Suddenly they stopped walking, neither of them said anything, they just stood there. Richard's heartbeat was raising in his chest when Lee took a step closer to him, his lips hovering just above Richard's. Their breaths created a white cloud between them, until Lee lowered his head and their lips touched. Richard did just like he had done the first time they kissed, he put his arms around Lee and deepened the kiss. Time stopped and Richard felt Lee's arms go around him, he no longer felt the snowflakes fall down on his head. He no longer felt the cold, Lee was so warm. Richard wished he could stay in Lee's arms like this forever. “You have no idea how many times I've wanted to kiss you again since the first” Lee said when they broke apart, much to Richard's surprise. Their eyes still closed and their foreheads touching. “I thought you said you weren't ready?” Richard asked, opening his eyes. “I wasn't. But that was then, now it's different”. Lee opened his eyes and looked into Richard's. Ohh how beautiful they looked in the light that came from the nearby street lamp.  
“The thing is, I've liked you… as in had a crush on you, since about the second week of school, but… I was never sure if it was maybe too soon or…” “Or?” “I don't know. I was just never sure” “But are you now?” Richard asked, raising his head. “Yeah, I'm sure” Lee said, looking into his eyes, before pulling Richard toward him and smacking his lips against his boyfriend's who happily returned that kiss, passionately.   
Soon they were both beginning to feel the cold again and started walking towards the houses again, hand in hand, as close to each other as they could.  
Richard walked Lee all the way to the front door. “So, see you tomorrow at school?” he asked Lee. “Yeah” the other boy nodded. “Okay” Richard smiled and then raised his and that still held Lee's up to his lips and kissed the back of the other boy's hand. Lee inhaled sharply, then smiled and blushed. “See you” Richard said before he walked across the street.   
When he knew saw Lee was inside he began running, occasionally jumping his height up in the air, smiling his brightest smile. He didn't remember a moment when he had been happier than now.  
~  
The next few days, Richard, like so often before, caught himself staring at Lee in class when they were supposed to be reading. However, what surprised him at first was that he also caught Lee staring back at him.  
Lee didn't care now whether Richard saw it or not when he let his gaze sometimes linger on Richard's profile in class. He had constantly been hiding it over the last three months that he always, at some point in every class, happened to be looking a little longer than he should at the boy sitting next to him but since they were dating Lee saw no reason to hide it from Richard.  
~  
“Does it bother you?” Lee asked one day when they were walking home from school, after Richard had just entwined their fingers together. “Does what bother me?” “That we never show any affection like this at school and when other people are around?” “No, it doesn't bother me”. Richard had noticed that Lee felt uncomfortable with showing any affection when he knew that other people could see. “Are you sure?” “Yes, I am” Richard tightened his hold on Lee's hand to assure the other boy. “Okay” Lee looked down and moved a little closer to Richard.   
“Hey” Lee said after a while. “I was wondering if maybe one day you'd maybe want to go out on like, you know, a date?”  
Richard felt his cheeks go red and his heart warm up.   
“I know that we are dating and people usually ask this first before they're actually dating but you know…” “I'd love to” Richard smiled. “Okay, great” Lee smiled back. “So, did you have any particular day in mind?” “Well, no not really. Maybe sometime in December?” “Okay, yeah. So what you want to do on this date?” “I don't know, we could just go see a movie or something like that? If there are any good movies” “Okay, maybe we talk about this later?” Richard suggested when they were about to part ways. “Yeah” Lee looked into Richard's eyes and leaned down for a quick kiss.   
~  
One Saturday in the beginning of December Richard was walking outside. It was very cold and the wind kept blowing directly in his face and it was snowing a lot, Richard was freezing. The reason why he was outside in such bad a weather was because earlier this semester he got books borrowed from the library and today was the last day to return them. He was on his way home when his phone started ringing. “Hello?” he half shouted since he could hardly hear anything except the wind and the snow. “Hello?” he repeated after having not having heard any answer. He looked at the screen and saw it was Lee on the phone. He put on speaker to hear better. “Hello?” “Hi. Can you hear me?” Lee asked, uncertainly. “Yeah, sorry. I'm outside and yeah you can probably hear the weather” “Yeah I can” Lee laughed. “What are you doing outside?” “Was returning some books to the library” “Still there?” Richard asked after a moment of silence. “Yeah, I was just...” “Hello?” Richard got no reply. “Lee? Lee are you there?” again, no answer. Richard looked at the screen the phone looked turned off, he tried turning it back on but then two words appeared on the screen for a few seconds, low battery, and then the phone went dead again. Richard put his phone back in his pocket. When he looked up he had no idea where he had strayed off to. He had been walking while talking to Lee but hadn't looked up once and now he was lost. He couldn't be that lost though, it was not a very big neighbourhood. However, the library was quite away from his home so one could get easily lost when they don't know the ways around perfectly.  
'I must've made the wrong turn somewhere' Richard thought to himself as he kept walking, in what direction he wasn't sure, but he knew that whatever way he was going he would end up some place.   
He had been walking for fifteen minutes and wind kept blowing directly in his face, Richard was getting quite annoyed by now. He would have thought that by now he at least would be able to see something, but no apparently not. After a while he found himself standing in a familiar location. He knew he had been here before, but couldn't remember when.   
It wasn't until he noticed something that could possibly be a waterfall when he knew where he was. After looking around a bit, he remembered which way was the way back home.   
He began walking and soon found out he was walking on the ice, he could hear it crack beneath his feet with every step and when he tried to turn and go back on land, the ice broke and he fell hitting his head on the ice. He heard a voice cry out his name before everything went black.  
~  
When he opened his eyes again it was only a few moments later. He was lying on the ground, trembling with cold. Lee was kneeling beside him, shaking as well. His left hand stroked Richard forehead. “Oh my god, Richard!” he looked relieved. “We gotta get you inside before you freeze to death” Lee said before Richard could say anything and quickly stood up and helped Richard up as well. “What were you doing here? I thought you went to the library, that's like on the other side of town”. Richard tried but couldn't speak, his teeth just kept clattering. “Oh my god” Lee said again and hugged Richard before kissing him. Then they started walking, a little to fast for Richard's taste since his jeans were almost frozen but he really wanted to get home and be warm.  
It took some time, but in the end they finally made it to Richard's house. Lee found Richard's keys in his left pocket and opened the door.   
He put Richard on the couch and went to find as many blankets as he could.  
When Lee came back with four blankets and Richard's duvet, he helped Richard out of his coat and shoes and began wrapping him up like a Christmas present. One blanket on top of the other and his duvet over it all.   
“Tea, or hot chocolate?” Lee asked him, “Whatever” Richard managed to say. “Hot chocolate then” Lee nodded and went to the kitchen.   
Ten minutes later, Lee came back carrying two cups. “Took me a while to find the right cupboard where you keep this. I hope you don't mind, I made one for myself” he said as he handed Richard one of them. “Please, you're shivering” Richard noted. “No I'm not” Lee denied as he sat down, but   
Richard could see the other boy shaking.  
“Here” he said and put down his cup. “Take off your jacket and we can share this paper wrap” he was talking about all the blankets and the duvet. 

Lee smiled “No, I'm okay” “No, Lee. You're freezing, that does not count as okay” Richard looked stubbornly at his boyfriend, who after a while, gave up. “Fine” Lee sighed and took off his jacket. Richard moved closer to Lee and wrapped him like he had wrapped Richard. “See, if we sit close enough we can share” Lee smiled, held his cup close to his face and laid his head down on Richard's shoulder and sighed. “You feeling better?” Lee asked him. “Much better” Richard said and took a sip of his hot chocolate.   
“So, how did you find me?” Richard wondered “Hmm?” “Today when you found me on the ice, how did you know I was there?” Lee sat up straight so Richard could see his face “I don't know, I just… we were talking on the phone and suddenly it was like you had hung up and I tried calling you again and again but you never answered and I got worried that something had happened to you so I went out to look for you and… I don't know how I ended up there, really. But, yeah, then I saw you fall” “Why didn't you answer, by the way?” Lee added a moment later. “Phone went dead” Richard simply replied, Lee nodded.   
For a while they just sat there, Richard moved closer to Lee. “I got quite scared when I saw you fall, I… I don't wanna lose you” Lee raised his head and looked at Richard. “It is quite a terrifying thought, if I hadn't been there you… you could have died” Richard hadn't thought that. Lee had saved his life.   
“Thank you” Richard said “thank you for saving my life” the corners of Lee's lips raised slightly upwards and he blushed. “You're welcome” he simply said and his smile widened and he pressed his lips against Richard's, lightly at first, but then with slightly more passion.  
~  
Christmas was getting closer fast and Richard had no idea what to give Lee. He wanted it to be something special, something one gives to a person they're dating. But since they had been dating for only about two weeks it couldn't be too much. Just something simple, something sweet, something that says 'You're beautiful and wonderful and I care about you a lot'. But it couldn't be something that says 'I love you' because that would be too forward and Lee was definitely not that kind of guy who rushed things. Like he had said the day after they had kissed for the first time, then they had only known each other about two months and he felt like it was just too early to start dating. Another two months had past and they were now just started dating. It would take another few months before Richard could tell Lee he loved him.   
~  
“So, what do you want for Christmas?” After having spent too much time wondering what Richard could give Lee he had just decided to give up and call him and ask “I don't know, just whatever. You don't really have to give me anything, though” “No, I really wanna give you something” Richard said, pacing around his room. “But I just have no idea what. So, is there anything you possibly want?” “I don't know, really. Maybe a book or something? Just don't go buying anything expensive because I don't want you spending all your money on me” Lee said, joking. “I wouldn't mind spending all my money on you, though” Richard replied with a smile. “Really?” he heard Lee breath. “Yeah, I would happily do that” the smile faded of Richard's face when he heard something that sounded like sharply inhaling and Lee's voice saying in a rash tone “Just give me a book or something” before hanging up. 'Okay, something is wrong' Richard thought to himself.  
He tried calling the other boy again, but no one answered. Richard was concerned, when something had happened last time Lee hadn't showed up at school for almost a week. He didn't want Lee to be upset.  
He got his jacket, put on his shoes and walked over to Lee's.  
When he was almost there he got a text from Lee saying: 'Don't come at the front door, just wait in the backyard'. Richard walked to the backyard and waited there a few minutes, before Lee came running out, instantly hugging Richard who felt Lee was crying. “What's wrong, Lee?” he asked but only felt Lee's hold on him tighten. “Lee, what's wrong?” Richard repeated. He had already told himself a few times he was not going to ask Lee about the scars, but maybe this was not related to that, or maybe it was. Richard didn't know, he just wanted to know how bad, whatever it was, was hurting Lee. But Lee only shook his head before taking a step back. “I don't want to talk about it. I'm sorry, but this is just something that I don't want anyone to know, I'm sorry” he said, looking at the ground in front of him.   
“Sorry I asked, I am just…” “No, it's okay to ask, sorry it's just that I don't want to answer” “I understand” Richard said, cupping Lee's face with his hands, using his thumbs to dry Lee's tears away before closing the gap between them with a kiss.   
He felt Lee's hands go to Richard's waist and then up and over the back, one on his shoulder blade, while the other stayed a little more to the middle of Richard's back. When he moved his head slightly away, catching his breath, their foreheads touching. Richard noticed the corners of Lee's lips moving upwards. “What's with that smile?” he asked, chuckling. “I'm just so happy to have you in my life, never thought I'd get this lucky” Lee answered, moving his head a little more away to look Richard better in the eye. “And I enjoy kissing you” “Am I any good?” Richard asked, teasing. “Even though you're the only person I've kissed I can tell you, you're the best that ever was” Lee said, before leaning down for another. “The same goes for you” Richard replied when they had moved away. He noticed the blush in Lee's cheeks, whether it was from the cold or what Richard had said, he didn't know. But, he assumed it was from both.   
“Can we take a walk?” Lee asked. “Sure” Richard took the other boy's hand and they started walking.   
~  
They walked in silence towards the forest they had found not so long ago, it turned out to be a very small forest but it looked so beautiful in the snow. “How are you feeling now?” Richard asked after they had been walking for a few minutes. He was still a little concerned. “I'm always better when you're with me” Lee answered with a smile.   
Even though it was very cold out there, Richard's heart was melting. A feeling he only had when with Lee. “So, you're sure you just want a book or something like that for Christmas?” “Are you still thinking about that?” Lee laughed. “Well, yeah. I want to give you something. Because, not only are we dating but you're also my best friend” Lee stopped and looked at Richard with a surprised expression. “What?” “Am I really your best friend?” “Yes, what? Don't you want to be?” “Of course I want to be your best friend, it's just… I'm surprised that I actually am. I mean you probably had best friends before you came here and I assumed that they still were”.   
“Well, of course I had friends before I came here, but no one was like you. No one could ever be like you” “Seriously?” “Yes” Richard chuckled. “Why? Is that so hard to believe?”   
“No. well I don't know. I just never thought I was your best friend. A friend, yes I knew that, but…   
I don't know. I was also very surprised when I kissed you that first time and you and kissed back.   
I never thought you could you like me that way. But then I found out that you do and well it was…” “Well it was what?” Richard asked moving closer to Lee. “It was amazing” Lee smiled.   
“I never thought I'd ever be so lucky and yet here I am, with you” he chuckled. “I'm just so happy you are a part of my life” “And I'm happy you're a part of mine” Richard said, other than that he was speechless. Lee smiled, biting his lower lip. “So, really” he chuckled. “I don't need a Christmas present. Having you in my life is enough”. He now smiled a bright smile at Richard who smiled just as bright back. “But have you gotten something for me, though?” Richard asked. “Well, I may have gotten something, yes” Lee admitted. “See, that's also why I wanna get you something. You give me something and I don't give you something back? It would only make me feel bad. And since I'm your boyfriend, you know, that's what boyfriends do”.   
“We've never actually said that before”. “What?” “We talk about, like we're dating but this is the first time either one of says we're, like you know, boyfriends”. “Yeah, I guess it is. That's okay isn't it?” “Yeah, it's nice to hear it” Lee smiled. “Hey what's that?” He asked all of a sudden, looking at something behind Richard, who turned. “I don't see it? What was it you…?” He couldn't finish his sentence because when he turned back around, he was greeted by a soft, cold, ball of snow in his face and Lee's beautiful laughter. “Oh, you asked for it” Richard said as he started a snow fight.  
After a while of running after each other, throwing snow everywhere, laughing, Lee tripped Richard so he fell on his back. That's when he noticed how dark it had become, the stars stars were out.   
Then a different pair of stars appeared in front of him. Lee was sitting in the snow beside him, leaning on top his chest, looking directly into Richard's eyes. “Hey” he said, smiling. “Hi” Richard smiled back, touching Lee's cheek with his fingers. “Wow” Lee suddenly said. “What?” “You look so beautiful” Lee answered before leaning down, planting a kiss on Richard's lips. “I'm beautiful? Have you looked into a mirror?” Richard asked, Lee giggled as he stroked a lock of Richard's hair away from his forehead. “I have seen many mirrors, but they're only beautiful when your reflection appears in it” Lee replied and bent down for another kiss, this one lasted a little longer.   
“Maybe we should head back” Lee suggested after a while when it had begun snowing.  
“Yeah, we should. Before either of us catches a cold again”. They stood up, brushed the snow of their clothes and walked back.  
“So you are alright?” Richard asked Lee when they stood at the front door. “Yes, I am”   
“Okay, so see you later?” “Yeah, okay. Bye” Lee waved before Richard began walking down the street. “Richard, wait.” Lee called after him, he turned and saw Lee motioning him to come. Richard walked up to Lee who stood right in front of the door and was greeted by one last kiss for the night. Afterwards Lee pointed upwards and Richard saw there was a mistletoe hanging there above them. “Cliché, I know. I just needed a reason to kiss you one more time before going back inside” “You never need a reason to kiss me” Richard smiled, stroking his boyfriend's cheek. “No?” Lee asked, eyebrows slightly upward. “No” Richard replied “Alright, see yah” Richard said, this time actually leaving. “Not if I see you first” Lee smirked before disappearing through the door.  
~  
On the morning of the 23th of December, Richard gift-wrapped his present to Lee. Well, he tried, at least to gift-wrap it. However, he wasn't very good at it. He had gotten Lee a book, the one he had said he had read once and really liked but didn't have it.   
Richard was actually terrible with presents, or that's what he thought himself. He never had given any of his friends any Christmas presents and his parents just took care of getting everything for his family. He had gotten a card, but he had no idea what to write on it. He simply ended with writing, 'happy Christmas, you dork'  
Richard looked at his result. “a choking duck in a plastic bag could do better” he said to himself.   
~  
Later that day when he was about to go over to Lee's with the present, said boy stood right in front of the front door, about to knock or ring the doorbell. “Hi” he said, surprised. “Hey” Lee replied. “I just came over to give you this” he said, handing Richard his present. It was very nicely done, it was gift-wrapped in a red paper and had a purple bow on top, along with a small card.   
“Thank you” Richard smiled. “I guess I should give you yours then” he said hesitantly and handed his present to Lee who, to no surprise to Richard, laughed. He tried concealing though, but without success. “Yeah, I know. I can't gift-wrap but this will have to do” “It's wonderful. No really, it beautiful, thank you” Lee smiled his brightest smile.   
“I also wanted to tell you…” Lee began. “I'm leaving early tomorrow morning, I'm going to stay at my uncle's house this Christmas and I won't be back until after new years.   
“Oh, okay” Richard nodded. “hope you have a fun time. I'll look forward to see you again” “Ditto. And I also look forward to see what could be inside this mess” Lee smiled. “I should head back, gotta finish packing” “Yeah okay” “yah” Lee hugged Richard and then kissed him on the tip his nose, Richard blushed. “How much do you have left to pack?” “A bit, why?” “I was just wondering whether you needed to go so soon or maybe you could stay here for half an hour, maybe, just a thought” Lee smiled. “I wish I could, but… I really don't have time, sorry” “No, it's okay. Good luck with packing” Richard nodded, “Thanks” Lee's eyes sparkled from the Christmas lights from Richard's windows. “See you, later, beautiful” Lee smirked before heading off. “Yeah, okay” Richard replied, half out of breath.  
~  
Beautiful? Had Lee just called Richard beautiful just like that? That was something new, they had never had any sort of nicknames for each other. But, then again, Lee was probably the most adorable human being on earth, it kind of made sense he had a nickname like that for Richard.  
~  
When Richard read the card from his boyfriend, two days later when he was about to go to sleep, he smiled.  
'Enjoy it, you nerd' it read.   
When Richard opened the present he saw that it was his favourite book, the hobbit, but leather bound and Thror's map in was in colour.   
He remembered when they had went to the book store once together a short time before Christmas and he had seen that copy of the book. “But if you already have a copy of the book, why would you want another?” Lee had asked. “Because this is leather bound, Lee. Leather bound and the map is in colour, it's beautiful” Richard had explained. “More beautiful me'” Lee asked with a smirk. “Nothing is more beautiful than you” Richard answered with a smile as Lee's smile had faded and he blushed.   
He picked up his phone and dialled Lee's number.   
“Hi! Merry Christmas!” Lee answered happily “Merry Christmas, how are you?”   
It made Richard smile, hearing Lee was so happy. “I'm extremely good, thanks. How about yourself?” “I'm great. Thank for the book” “You're happy with it?” “I am, yes, very happy. Although I'm more happy with card” “Really?” Lee asked. “Nice and short” Richard said.   
“Thank you very much for the book you got me” Lee said after a short while “and the card was beautiful as well”. Richard remembered he ha written 'happy Christmas, you dork' on it and chuckled. “Hey, I kinda gotta go” Lee suddenly said “So, we talk later okay?” “okay” “Okay, bye and enjoy the holidays” “You too” Richard smiled. “Okay bye” “I… bye”. Then they hung up.  
I love you, Richard had almost said. How had these words almost escaped past his lips so easily? Too tired to think logically Richard laid his head on his pillow and let himself be devoured with sleep.  
~  
The next day, Richard was sitting in his room, reading. Then he got a text from Lee saying: Meet me at the waterfall asap, please. Richard put down his book and replied: Be there in a minute.   
Suddenly, Richard was standing there, a few metres away from the waterfall that was running. He didn't remember how he got there, he just suddenly was there.   
“RICHARD!” He heard Lee shout and turned to see the other boy come running towards him, crying. “What's wrong?” he asked when Lee jumped into his arms but the other boy just kept crying. “Lee, what happened? Please, will you tell me?”  
"I don't think I can do this any more” Lee finally managed to say. “The pain is just so much, I can't bare it" "what are you saying?" Richard's heart was beating like drums as his lungs screamed for air. But he just couldn't breath. Lee backed away a few feet and looked Richard dead in the eye.   
"I'm saying I want you to help me" "Help you what?" Richard had a vivid image of what Lee wanted help with but he didn't want to say the words. "I want you to help me...” Lee looked down and swallowed, then he looked up again “…die. That's the only way I can think of to make this pain go away" "No, please Lee. You can't ask me that. I cannot do it. You know I can't. I..." Richard wanted to say that he loved the other boy, but he was now sobbing and no words managed their way out of his mouth. "Richard, please. I beg you. You're the only one I trust that can do it..." "but I can't do it, Lee" he finally managed to say. "I can't do that".  
Richard looked at Lee, the boy he loved. Was he really asking that of him? Was Lee really asking him to kill him? Richard didn't even what to think the words but that was the truth. Lee was asking Richard to kill him.   
"There must be something I can do, something else, please. Oh, please, Lee. Don't make me do that. Please don't" Richard put his hands on each side of Lee's face and made their foreheads touch. He closed his eyes as he begged Lee not to make him do that. "But I can't do this alone, Richard. I've already tried" the last three words had slipped unintentionally past Lee's lips. Richard opened his eyes and looked into the most beautiful pair of eyes he had ever seen. They now were red from crying, but still so beautiful. "Oh, no. Oh, god Lee. No. Please no. Tell me what you just said is not true. Tell me what you just said is not true"  
"I'm sorry but it is. It is true" "No, it cannot be”.  
"When?" he asked a while later. "Not so long ago". The fact that it was only recently that Lee had attempted suicide made Richard's heart stop. “Please, Richard. Please you have to do this” Richard could only shake head. “No, Lee. I won't. I'm sorry but I won't”.   
Then Lee began backing away from him. “Lee? Lee, what are you doing?” “I thought you would understand” Lee said. “Lee, wait” Richard tried to go after him but his feet were like glued to the ground. “LEE WAIT!” he called after him. “I'm sorry” Lee whispered before he disappeared down the waterfall.  
~  
“NOOOOOO!” Richard sat up in his bed, panting. It took him a while to realise that what had just happened had not been real.“It was only a dream” he whispered to himself. “It was only a bad dream”. He lay down again and looked at his phone that lay on his night stand. It was half past one. He tried but no matter what, he couldn't fall asleep, he couldn't get his heart to stop beating so fast.   
A few times, Richard picked up his phone, his thumb hovering above Lee's number, it wasn't until the fourth or the fifth time he actually called.   
When Lee hadn't picked up on the fifth call Richard became more worried, but then he heard a familiar voice. “Two o'clock, Richard. Two o'clock? It's the middle of the night, this better be important” Lee said, his voice drowsy and annoyed. Richard smiled, he was already starting to relax again. “Is everything alright?” Lee asked when Richard hadn't said anything for a short time.   
“I hope so” Richard replied. “What? What do you mean you hope so? What is wrong?”   
“It's just… how are you feeling?” “I'm fine or I at least was before you called. Richard, please tell me what's wrong?” “It's just that I had a nightmare” “and what happened?” Richard didn't want to say it but he knew he had to, now. “You texted, telling me to meet you at the waterfall and… when I got there you were crying and you asked me to help to you but I couldn't, you know. I just never could” “What could you never do?” Lee asked worriedly. “Help you…” Richard's mouth didn't want to form the next words.   
“…commit suicide” he finally finished.   
“Oh my god” he heard Lee breath. “That's why I wanted to call you. To see if you were okay”   
“Oh my god” Lee repeated. “I can assure you, Richard, I'm fine I do not want to commit a suicide, I never have and I do not want you to help me with it. I promise you, everything is fine. Yes, there was a time when I was in a lot of pain, but I never even considered suicide and also… with you in my life, things are better, I feel so much better. You don't need to worry about me” “Okay” Richard breathed. Neither of them said anything or a while. “Maybe I better let you sleep, then” Richard told Lee. “Yeah you should” Richard chuckled. “And get some sleep yourself. You need it” Lee said to him softly. “Guess I do” Richard admitted. “I wish I could hug you” “I wish I could you, too” “See you later” “yeah, bye”. Richard hung up the phone as he lay back down again and this time he fell asleep, a good, long, dreamless sleep.   
~  
New Years went by and finally Lee came back, not that Richard had missed him a lot while he was away, but it was nice to see the other boy's face again when he stood there in front of the door “Hi” he smiled. “Hi” Richard replied, smiling himself. They stood there like two idiots for a while until Lee said “come here” and dragged his boyfriend closer to him fro a kiss.  
Richard was a little surprised since they were kind of in a public place, well at least in a place where people could see them and it wasn't really usual that Lee would want to show affection where people could see, but Richard returned the kiss of course.  
~  
One afternoon in January, the two of them were cuddling on Richard's bed. The weather was terrible and had been like that all day. When they had walked home they're feet had got soaking wet, so now they lay there on the bed barefoot, trying to keep each other warm.  
“Hey, Richard?” “Yeah” “Uhhm, remember… earlier this winter” Lee looked away when he began talking “I uhm was… there were times when I wasn't feeling well” Richard sure did remember. “I just wanted to tell you there was this thing going on in my life and that has been for a time but it's uhm, how do I put this? It's no longer there, we can say. But the point is that I just wanna say: Thank you. Thank you for being there when I needed you. And also” he added “Thank you for not questioning what was going on because, I'm sorry, I just don't want to tell you. I don't want you to know”. “It's okay” Richard replied. “You don't have to tell me. But, please, whenever there is something wrong please tell me at least that. You don't have to tell me what is wrong just tell me if there is something wrong and if I can do something to help”.   
Lee smiled “I already told you how you can help” Richard looked at Lee in confusion, not entirely remembering Lee telling him that. Lee let out a chuckle “Just be there. Just to give me a hug or talk to me or something. Whenever you're around it's… everything is better” “Really?” “Yes, remember when you called to ask me what I wanted for Christmas and I suddenly hung up and then you came over?” “Yeah, I remember”  
“Before I saw you through he window I was feeling terrible, but then after being there with you for not even a minute, I felt so happy. You make me so very very happy, Richard. And it is because I…” “What?” Richard could hardly breath.  
Lee had said the last words so quietly he hadn't been able to hear them but he was really hoping it was he thought it was. “What?” he repeated. Lee looked into Richard's eyes before saying these words again, out loud.   
“I love you. I love you and have done so for quite a while now” Lee looked away, biting his lower lip, like he so often did. Richard simply looked at him, before moving closer, wrapping his arm around Lee's torso and, because he still could hardly breath after hearing Lee say these words, he whispered:   
“And I love you”   
“You do?” Lee asked, looking hopefully back at Richard. “Yes, I do. I love you and as well have done so for quite a while, probably longer than you might have guessed”. “For how long?”   
“Before we even started dating”.   
Lee's lips parted and his eyes widened. “Seriously?” “Yes” Richard smiled and Lee smiled back. “Oh my god” Lee said, raising a hand to cover his mouth.  
“You're telling the truth?” “Could I ever lie about something like that?” Lee lowered his hand and laid it down on Richard's elbow. “When… Did you know you loved me then?” “Yeah, I did. I didn't know that I loved you 'till after we kissed the first time, but I think I loved you even before that”.   
Richard noticed how Lee blushed even though the other boy tried to hide it. Richard smiled and pulled Lee closer to him and kissed him. Lee kissed back, still smiling.


	2. Epilouge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ten years later

Ten years later

The door was opened and a golden retriever came running inside, followed by a man.  
The man was tall, with ruffled hair and a stubble, wearing a grey sweater and black jeans.  
He kicked off his shoes before entering the living room. "Richard?" He called as he looked around, no reply. 'Good' the man thought to himself, he needed a little while before his boyfriend came home.   
The man walked to the kitchen, filled a bowl on the floor with dog food and walked to the bedroom.   
He smiled when he noticed the cello standing by the window. He remembered how he had been woken up on his last birthday, Richard had played his favourite song for him on the cello, a little out of tune.  
He walked towards his nightstand beside their bed and opened the drawer and took out a box he had managed to hide under some trash he had put there, only so Richard wouldn't find the box.   
He then sat down on the bed as he opened the box to look at the ring.   
It was gold with two very small emeralds and a little bit bigger ruby in the middle.   
He had bought the ring a couple of months ago, had decided to ask Richard that very same evening, but when the evening came, he couldn't master up the courage to do it. It had happened a few times since then. He decided he was going propose, but always chickened out. He had been afraid Richard would not be ready. But last night, when the two of them had been going sleep, Richard had looked so lovingly into his eyes and said "I don't ever want this to end. I really want it to be always like it is now. Beginning and ending every day beside you. I love you so much, Lee".  
Lee had then known they were both ready. 

He remembered when they had first met. He remembered when Richard had come running through the doors to the classroom.  
Lee had silently wished he would not sit beside him, but since the seat next to him was the only one that was empty, he had had to sit there.   
He remembered how Richard had held him, when he found him crying.  
How Richard had kissed him the first time, how happy Lee had felt. He remembered when he pushed Richard away because he wasn't ready, he remembered how patient Richard had always been with him.  
Most of all Lee remembered when he had said those three little words that changed his life when Richard said them to him. He remembered every little thing they had done together, every sweet word they had said to each other, every moment of silence when all they had done was holding one another's hand, looking into each other's eyes and shared loving smiles.

It was time, Lee thought. Time to make the next move.

He heard the door opening and the tap of his dog's paws running towards the front door. "Hi, Carl. How are you?" Lee stood by the door as he watched Richard scratching the back of Carl's ear. Then he disappeared for a second as he hung his jacket. "Is Lee around?" He asked Carl, although the question was for Lee to answer if he was there. "Yeah, he is here" Lee said as he put the box in his pocket and walked up to his boyfriend who greeted him with a warm kiss. "Hey, love. How has your day been?" Richard asked. "Fine, usual. Yours?" "Good, yeah" Richard nodded before heading to the kitchen. Lee stood still for a second, taking a deep breath.   
"Hey, Richard?" "Yeah?" Richard replied and turned around. He was leaning on the kitchen counter, arms crossed, expression as relaxed as ever, Lee tried to hide his nervousness.   
"I uhm... uuhh... don't really know how to put this, but uhmm. I have been thinking and wondering if... if it was time to..." he looked at Richard whose expression had changed from relaxed to confusion. "We met about ten years ago and I have been in love with you for almost that long. I... fuck it, I'm just gonna say it" he looked Richard into the eye as he took out the box, opened it and laid it on the kitchen counter, the ring facing Richard, whose eyes were now glued on the ring. "Richard Armitage, will you marry me?" Richard stood there frozen for a time until he started laughing, a soft. quiet laugh, kind of like a giggle and he raised his hand and covered his eyes. "What?" Lee asked, slightly confused. "No, it's just..." Richard looked up at his boyfriend as his hand went down his pocket and when he took it up again, a box, very similar to what Lee had put on he table, was in his hand. "I actually..." Richard said, looking down as he opened the box to reveal a silver ring with a sapphire on it. "...was going to propose to you tonight, as well" he said as he looked back into Lee's eyes, smiling widely.   
Lee was breathless, all he could do was return the smile. "So, was that a yes?" He asked even though he knew it was. "Yes" Richard nodded. Lee couldn't control himself and jumped directly on Richard, pulling him into the tightest hug. Richard laid the box on the counter and wrapped his arms around Lee just as tight.   
"I was so afraid..." Lee began as he loosened his grip on Richard so they stood face to face, arms still wrapped around each other. "I planned at first to propopse to you a while ago, but I wasn't sure whether it was the right time or..." "What changed your mind?" Richard asked. "What you said last night. You said: "I don't ever want this to end. I really want it to be always like it is now. Beginning and ending every day beside you" and then I thought, it's not too soon, it's perfect". Richard smiled, "it is, it is perfect. Just like you" he said before kissing Lee softly on the lips. "I'm not perfect" he denied. Richard thought for a second. "Fine, you're perfectly imperfect". Lee smiled as Richard pulled him closer and kissed him again, a little longer this time.

**Author's Note:**

> I warned you it was cliché


End file.
